Flash Fiction: Bereavement of my Emotions

By Rudaina Abdul Khaliq

 

While sitting in a garden, children around me are playing, screaming with alleviation. Flowers are dancing and buds are ready to blossom. Dew drops are rolling over my cheeks. This is the place, where I always come with my mother, lots of happy moments are associated with this place.

Everyone is happy, but what happened to me? Why sorrow and pain clinching my heart? I do have emotions but they are tucked away deep down inside my broken heart. Why I can’t be happy?

Yes, I am 13 years old girl, named SARA who is cadaverous and soul is succumbs and does not have desideratum in life.

Few years back, I was also convivial and a girl full of life. I used to share, everything with my MOM. My mother was the reason to live, as she was my inspiration. She went through many bad phases of life, as my father left her alone in the devilish world. But her courage and bravery helped her to pass all these phases of life successfully. I am a princess raised by a Queen. She always wanted me to turn into a kind and humble person.

The reel of life is running in the camera of my eyes that how she assuage me, when my emotions break, how she used to make a necklace of her arms around me, when I fall down while playing, how she hug me with no reason, how she always made me proud by being a single parent. She is in the sun, the wind, the rain. She is in the air, I breathe. She is always around me, when I am in pain.

She was sitting on her bed, called me and asked me to lay in her lap. I did. She started caress my hairs. That day everything was looking peculiar. She asked, my dear daughter is there anything which you want me to do for you. I paused! hmmmm and replied her, Yes, there is, I want something which always make me feel like you are with me. She smiled and said I am always there with you sweetheart. I don’t know how, she hide all the pain from me and suffered alone. She became weak and weak by each passing day. She always smile and pass her message to me that you are a brave girl and my reply is always a big smile, without knowing the reason, behind this message.

The day was shining, I woke up and went to prepare breakfast for my mother, to surprise her, as it’s her day off. I went and kissed her but she didn’t reply, I kissed her again but still she didn’t move, I cried MOM but still no movement, I ran down and call our family doctor. He came and checked her, looked at me and expressed with sorrow, she is NO MORE.

WHAT? Meaningless expression on my face, millions of questions in my eyes and doctor explained that she had cancer and asked me not to reveal to her daughter. Tears rolling over my cheeks. 

Why she left me alone in this world? No happiness without her, while thinking about her, lying on her bed, I felt something under her pillow. I saw, it was a tape-recorder. It’s her! It’s her! Shouted with joy, as I press the play button and heard her voice addressing me ”My dear daughter, I am going, I know you are crying after losing me and must be angry of not telling the truth of my illness. My dear daughter, a reason behind of hiding this truth is that I don’t want to hurt your feelings, you are brave. I never forget the gift, you asked from me, it’s under your pillow. It will always keep me near to your heart.”

Crying out louder and holding her gift, a necklace with her and mine in it, screamed out loudly Mom, why you did this to me while sitting near her grave. I wept, cried and grieved for you dear Mom.

When a daughter loses her mother, the intervals between grief responses lengthen over time, but her longing never disappears. It always hover at the edge of her awareness, prepared to surface at any time, in any place, in the least expected way.

My prayers are always with those who lost their Mother (s);

Those who we love

DON’T GO AWAY,

They walk beside us

EVERY DAY.

Unseen and unheard,

ALWAYS NEAR.

 

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