“Numbness Is A Feeling At 22” by Panda




Dearest 42-year-old Innu,…

I don’t know what to tell you. You know everything about me. But I don’t know you at all. We look similar. Your face looks like mine with years of experiences forming a face almost unrecognizable. Twenty years have passed by so fast. It is almost impossible to believe that you were once a happy go lucky girl with no care in the world. I don’t know what you have gone through in the last twenty years. But I hope you have only grown stronger over those twenty years.  

Did you fulfil your wish of being a mother? Every other dream could be compromised on. Not this one. If you are half as good as your own mother, you have made it in life. There is nobody in this world as great as your mother. She is truly a wonder. Do you still fight with your dad? Do you still make fun of his childishness? Don’t surrender to him. He is the only man who ever let you win. 

I don’t know what your mindset is now. But I can tell you what kind of a person you were at 22. At 22 you went through the worst depressive episode till then. You went through weeks wishing for you to cease existing. Not death. Just a delete button for life. You went through weeks wondering why you felt so. You went through weeks just not knowing what to feel. You learnt that numbness is a feeling at 22. 

But 22 wasn’t all bad for you. You learnt to get up on your own. You learnt to live with hope. You also made a bunch of good friends. 

At 22 you believed that everything that happens in your life to pave a path to something bigger. And its probably true. Maybe your fear for a bright future doesn’t upset you anymore. Maybe you have realized that what people say about you will never affect you.  

I hope you have learned everything that your 22-year-old self didn’t know. I hope you are happy. I hope you are loved. 


22-year-old Innu.

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