By Heather Long Vandevoorde
Mom’s worst nightmare: the kids have outgrown the wonderful day camps offered in the UAE. And they do not want to be seen in public with you anymore. They have two weeks of spring break. What the heck do you do with them now? They want to hang out with their friends, “duh, Mom.”
When are they old enough to branch out on their own to engage in activities, to spring loose and break free? Should we allow them to go to malls, attraction parks and movies alone?
I’ve spoken to moms and heard the full range of opinions. The consensus is that 12 is the cutoff point for local activities. Most seem to feel their kids are resourceful early on. Mom Kara said, “Letting them go out on their own with friends is character building, and makes them feel independent.” I agree, but with conditions. I am fine with my two girls having adventures with friends as long as the two of them go together (they have most of the same friends anyway), have their fully-charged phones at all times, and I am in the same area. I will stay at the mall or see another movie while they are with their friends. I do not see those conditions changing until they are at least 16.
Not everyone agrees though. Bilna says, “As a mom, I always feel unsafe. There’s no guarantee even when I’m next to them, but at least if I am with them I’m fully accountable.” Her kids are by her side.
For many schools and sports teams, spring break is the time for trips abroad. This is a bigger issue: when can your kids travel without you? How do you decide? The controversy between moms heats up when this question is posed.
Gabby, 16, was not allowed to go on a class trip to Italy this year. Her mom explained, “Gabby is very naïve and a group of teens traveling together seems like a pretty big target.”
Maureen sees it more practically. “I went to Europe with a group in high school and felt that the younger kids in the group did not appreciate what they were seeing. They need to be a certain age, say 14, so they can absorb the experience fully.”
Devi disagrees. “When our kids travel with us they have few opportunities to learn responsibility because we do everything for them. My kids can travel with a supervised group that does not include me at age 12.”
Karen’s daughters started traveling with school at age 13. “But what is right for one family may not be right for all. Mine really want to go which reassures me they won’t be calling me crying every night to come home.”
Another Karen recalls, “I read an article about a man whose daughter was killed while backpacking. Asked if he regretted letting her go, he surprisingly said no, that he would never stand in the way of his kid’s dreams.”
Axelle believes, “It is a parent’s role to let kids spread their wings when they are ready. Of course we worry sick until they are home safe, but we can’t get in their way.”
The majority of moms agreed and the advice seems to be to give kids the skills they need and then stand back and let them go have a terrific experience without you. I’ll let mine go when they have the opportunity. But I’ll keep the box of tissues close by knowing that they will take my heart with them.
