For some reason these days I can never get through a class without imagining my professors dying horrible gruesome deaths in front of my eyes. It could be the effect of vacation withdrawal, it could be sheer boredom or it could be an early warning sign that there’s a serial killer movie/novel/police report in the future with my name in it!!!
So instead of doing my assignment for the day I decided to do what I do whenever I’m faced with a dilemma; list out the pros and cons of each of the ways I wish to kill my professors
1) Tie them to the railway tracks while twirling my villainous moustache and doing my evil laugh.
Pro: I can finally figure out at what time the two trains meet when travelling from point A and B at different speeds.
Con: I’ll have to grow a moustache.
2) Hang them inches over a tub of sharks with lasers attached.
Pro: Sharks are an endangered species so feeding them is definitely eco friendly.
Con: I have no idea how to attach lasers to sharks.
3) Force feed them liver until they burst (just like they did in se7en)
Pro: Well God did say feed the hungry; that should count for something, right?
Con: I’ll have to actually cook the liver myself.
4) Send Hannibal Lector (the cannibal) on a picnic with them as the main course
Pro: Who doesn’t love a picnic?
Con: I may end up as dessert.
5) Turn into a werewolf and bite their heads off
Pro: I get to be a werewolf.
Con: I’ll be susceptible to fleas!!!
6) Put about 50kgs worth of dynamite in front of their office and light the fuse.
Pro: I get to play with dynamite.
Con: That worked out so well in Tom and Jerry!
7) Tie them to a chair and force them to watch 50 hours of The Simple Life.
Pro: Now they’ll get what’s it’s like to have your brain numbed.
Con: I’ll actually have to buy a blue ray of The Simple Life!! Not going to happen!
10) Ehh, I’ll think of something later…..and yes I do know that I’ve skipped out on a few numbers in between. Maybe it’s not such a good idea to kill my maths teacher! (And mom, if you’re reading this, I was joking).
