AT HOME IN THE UAE:
An introduction by Marien to Dhabi Dames, a delightful group of women who meet regularly to discuss tackling daily problems in a positive and proactive manner – with a goal to becoming better, and happier, mothers and wives…
“I personally have been living in this beautiful city since 1998 and feel life is getting better every passing year, because Abu Dhabi grows on you. As a woman/ wife you find the first two teething years difficult because you have uprooted yourself from familiar grounds. In contrast the man in your life finds his job comfortably stable – he has a three bedroom apartment, with maid, tax-free income, and the glamour of living abroad. He feels he has made it, while you -his wife – have to find your own way, and, indeed – your own happiness.
Where do you fit in? Do you feel you were once a Woman of the Board Room and are now Queen Maker of Salads, Chauffeur of the Children, The Ironing Whiz Woman, The Laundry Lady?
We’ve found that it typically takes two to three years for an expat woman to get on solid ground, to feel needed and to be recognized as somebody. The newbies rush to join groups that meet at coffee shops, hotels. They attend every Poetry Reading, Book Club, and art collector’s soirees, coffee mornings etc. Visits to the souk, craft village, desert drives are all drafted in. So when husband gets home in the evening, he’s happy to see his exhausted but chirpy wife. That’s goodness sufficient for the day. On the flip side, if she is a highly social butterfly, she will throw parties and before the husband can say ‘Camel’, he is roped into her social evenings.
Then there are those women who can’t afford a maid, and quietly do all the housework, the grocery shopping, help with their kids’ homework, and drive the children to and from the after-school activities. They have just about enough time to cook, clean up, and watch TV for an hour before crashing into bed. They lead a simple, no frills existence, with a visit to Lulu becoming a weekend outing for the whole family. The icing on the cake would be a Chinese meal at an Indian restaurant…
We dedicate Dhabi Dames to all of the women out there who manage to find meaning in everyday things.”
By Marien Oomen
CULTURE:
SARI SWAG
With Onam, ‘the harvest festival, happening this September, South African expatriate Angelique recalls her own cultural immersion experience when she decided to learn how to wear a “sari” to a harvest festival event…
I was invited to an Onam event hosted by the Kerala community at my husband’s company and decided to wear a sari to immerse myself in the culture. My good friend from Kerala offered me her Kerala sari to wear, and so one evening I went across to learn how to drape and fold the beautiful garment. The two of us were chatting so much that I never paid much attention until my friend said, “Oh, you look lovely! Do you want to try putting it on yourself?” I glanced in the mirror and loved the feminine silhouette I reflected there. I felt so lovely with such little effort! I thought I could easily replicate that myself, or so I thought. I mean women had been doing it for centuries, right? How difficult could it be? Aah…
Well, the following morning when I tried to put it on, I became entangled in oodles and oodles of cream and gold fabric. It billowed out in waves across the bed, over the floor, out into the bathroom and back again. In the wise words of Buzz Lightyear, ‘To infinity and beyond!’ The sari had a life of its own!
I managed to untangle myself and escape. In a panic, I left the house and ran across the road, in my petticoat and tiny little bare-midriff top, to find the kindly Indian nanny who worked for my neighbor. The nanny answered the door and looked quite taken aback when I asked her for help. Quite indignant at my state of half undress, she proclaimed, “I am not Indian, I am Sri Lankan!” and then completely refused to help me. I think I must have committed some sort of cultural faux pas. Had I not seen the dear woman wear a kind of sari many times before? Just how different could one sari be from another? Perhaps I was not as keenly observant as I thought. I felt like a complete cultural idiot!
So, still confused and now running late, we set off for the celebrations, me in my undergarments trailing a sea of fabric in my wake! As we neared the venue, my husband phoned his Indian colleague who sent out two smiling angels in saris, to help me dress. I was swiftly ushered into a dressing room, pulsating with vibrant colours and sounds. Here the Indian dancers and traditional drummers were getting ready to perform. The three of us squeezed into a tiny cubicle where my new friends wrapped, pinned, tucked the sari, and finally adorned my hair with sweet-smelling Jasmine flowers. I felt like a Bollywood princess. Applause sounded as I entered the auditorium to take my seat, red-faced and breathless, beside my husband!
The Onam festivities included traditional dancing and singing, a re-enactment of the return of King Mahabali and a meal of delicious vegetarian dishes served on banana leaves. That day, I made some new friends and also learnt a few important lessons about culture and the importance of paying attention! As a family we thoroughly enjoyed a happy day, full of feasting and dancing.
By Angelique Goldsworthy
PARENTING 101
Who Says Parenting is Easy?
The arrival to the world of “King George” the heir to the British throne, has thrust the debate about ‘new parent syndrome’ into the news as parents Prince William and Kate Middleton grapple with the trials and tribulations of ‘new parenthood’. Here is insight from Avnita Bir, who offers insight about ‘Parenting 101’…
Moments after the birth of my first born, I felt a sense of relief – and euphoria. I thought I had completed the toughest task of my life. However, the euphoria did not last. I realized there were no readymade solutions for parenting; babies don’t come with manuals or guidebooks. Each new day brought a fresh set of problems that needed to be addressed, and with each seemingly insurmountable challenge I felt more inadequate.
My story is not that of any isolated parent. It spans across age groups, cultures, and countries. The issues are more or less uniform and if one were to collate all of them, there would be a common thread running through.
Issues range from your child spending all his time on sports, to your daughter insisting on sleepovers; to excessive time spent on social networking and dealing with relationship matters; to obsession with branded clothing and gadgets; to school adjustment and academic issues; to dealing with peer pressure and balancing studies with a myriad other distractions …the list is endless.
Every parent feels intimidated and often helpless to deal with challenges. As a teacher/principal/mentor I have interacted with thousands of children, and have met many parents. I realize that in the fast changing climate that we currently live in the number of challenges are increasing exponentially. I often have to sit back and reflect rather than jump to the most obvious and natural response to a situation, and also revisit my value system in order to align it to today’s times.
Some principles are steadfast and unchangeable through time: my advice to parents is to remain connected with your child at all times and follow your natural parental instinct as ultimately, your intuition can never go wrong. Feel the ‘pulse’ of your child, and try to understand where he or she is coming from. Children can be quite communicative, and if you read the signs well you will be able to differentiate a genuine concern from a superficial matter. Handhold your child when it is required, and give your children the freedom they need, while explaining that independence comes with responsibility. Use meal times productively as these, along with other family occasions, are essential for bonding. And always, always, let your child feel the comfort of not having to face challenges alone.
In a nutshell: be firm, be kind, and be consistent!
By Avnita Bir
