By Nisma Hamid
Instagram: nismahamid
Making acquaintances is easy, but making real friends is quite a bit harder. Especially for young people. So for all my fellow adolescents out there who are either trying to make a friend or two, I have come up with a few pointers.
First: Ask yourself the following questions:
- Are my current friendships toxic?
- What characteristics am I looking for in a friend?
- Am I looking for a few best friends or a group of companions?
Second: To come up with the right answers, you must consider the implications of each question.
- For a friendship to be considered healthy, your friend must not affect your life negatively, whether this is by projecting negative energy, creating a destructive environment, pressuring you into doing or saying anything you are uncomfortable with, or influencing you into making bad choices. Anybody who possesses qualities that you believe are morally wrong should not be considered ‘a friend’.
- Everyone has a choice in the people he or she associates with. To achieve a lasting and equal relationship, choose to befriend someone you can relate to. For instance, I am an IB student and high school senior, so I try to surround myself with people who can identify with the stress and pressure I am under. Be careful not to befriend someone who is constantly negative and can bring you down (refer to Step 2 a). A good choice for a friend is someone who shares your sense of humour and that’s because one of the best ways to stay positive in tough situations is to laugh stress away. And finally from a moral and academic standpoint, it is great to be friends with someone who pushes you to be a better student and a better person. A little competition never hurt anybody.
- It is rare to find someone who has all the qualities you look for in a friend, but that just means that there could be a group of friends, a ‘squad’, whose combined qualities make you happy. My ‘squad’ consists of a goofball (someone who is crazy – in a good way), a good listener (always there to lend an ear), a leader (who plans well and delivers), a bookworm (who pushes me to improve academically), and a doppelgänger (with whom I share a psychic connection). Every one of my friends help me in one way or another, and I only hope I do the same for them.
Third: All that’s left is to find friends based on the type of people you want to be around. You know yourself better than anyone else, so you are the only person who can make that decisions – however don’t dismiss the advice of your parents! I have been hurt by someone my mother warned me about; a person I thought was a true friend who ended up being a wolf in a sheep’s clothing. Sometimes, parents know what they are talking about – a mother’s intuition and all. I wish I had listened to my mother’s advice and saved myself the pain.
So the advice here should help you become a certified friend-picker. I can’t say that I’ve followed all these steps myself, but if I had, I know I would have made better friends.
