I realized Tween Angst started when I overheard these messages among my circle of friends lately:
“She used to be so loving. Now I’m lucky if she even talks to me…”
“He literally tells me nothing. I have to read his Facebook posts to know what’s going on…”
“She was such a good girl. These days she won’t do a thing I ask…”
You guessed it, we have Tweens, those deliciously dangerous adolescents who are being visited regularly by the Hormone Fairy and have not yet learned how to tame their emotions. Right in front of us they turn from sweet children to screaming demons attacking with their laser eyes.
How do we parents cope, especially since we know the dreaded teenage years are just past the present bump in the road? Not since the Terrible Twos have we had so much to fear. As usual, the topic is too big for me to tackle, so I went to the experts for some techniques to employ:
- Parenting.com is clear on their advice: maintain your role as a parent. This is not the time to be their best friend. You must continue to set, and reinforce, the boundaries. You lead the family, not them.
- Vanessa offers simple, but effective advice: “When they start to argue I pretend I am in a car and I just roll the windows up…”
- Punishments should be appropriate and enforced. Take away the electronics and keep them away for the designated period of time. Giving in mid-way makes them think you always will.
- Barbara says: “Pick your battles. You will quickly lose your sanity if you get upset about every little thing. Be clear that things like disrespect or smoking will not be tolerated but in return you promise to be more lenient with clothing or hairstyle choices…”
- When tempers flair, try to remember you are the adult in the situation. Years of experience under your belt have to count for something. It is ok to step away for a breather. You might even teach your adolescent something about coping with their own temper.
- Lisa’s advice is simple: “Be Firm, Fair and Funny, the 3 Fs…”
- While most of what we say is lighthearted, kidshealth.org reminds us to keep an eye out for warning signs of disease, depression or drug abuse. If there is significant weight or attitude change, you are better safe than sorry taking your adolescent for help.
- And the best advice I heard comes from Georgia who reminds us: “Enjoy and celebrate the good times. When things are running smoothly and peacefully, cram as much love into them as you can…”
In the end, we must remember this phase is vitally important, albeit unpleasant at times. This is their time to start to become independent. That’s what we have taught them to do, right? We are raising them to be strong and outspoken. We reap what we sow.
