Within a couple of lines I could feel my professional exterior cracking and my eyes began to fill with tears. Hamdah’s poem described her desperation looking for help; help to take away her loneliness in her isolated living quarters. She wrote the poem when she was eight.
“I’ve always written poems. Before I just wrote words, and when I got older it became sentences. I wrote when I felt sad. I used to speak to animals and my pets a lot. My family used to laugh at me and say – do you think this bird understands you? I would reply, actually it is enough for me that he just listens.”
Hamdah has what is known as special needs. She has spent her entire life in a wheelchair and, like a lot of families within the Emirati culture, she was hidden away from the world.
“They looked at me, they would see a sick girl, they saw someone who couldn’t move. Someone who wouldn’t amount to anything. I proved otherwise.’”
Hamdah grew up isolated in what she describes as a “tiny world”. She didn’t sit with the rest of her family, she didn’t have friends, but she did have the internet. “I learned there were other worlds out there, like the USA, and there I found people like me. Everyone laughed when I said I was going to America.”
At 20, Hamdah left the UAE to study in the US which created barriers between her and her family, but gave her the inner strength to prove she could do it.
“I learned and loved being independent. I could go to the supermarket alone, to the bank, use public transport. I felt like I could fly like a bird.”
During her vacations from college Hamdah spent her time travelling through different states. Three years later she returned to the UAE. “I cried and cried and ended up in hospital. I thought I would never have that freedom ever again. Then my teacher visited me and told me to get a job.”
Hamdah began working in a centre for special needs children. Her love for the children is immense, but she believes the hardest part of her work is with the parents.
“Some parents complain that they don’t have money to take care of their child and they have other children. Some even say they will put their special needs children in the hospital because it is too much for them. I try to convince them not to. I say love them and teach them how to live their lives. Then you will find that they can do anything.”
On 7th May, Hamdah was married. She was introduced to her husband while trying to give away a motorized wheelchair. “His cousins have special needs and that is how we met. We became friends, we understood each other. Each of us told our stories, there was a lot of sadness and we found we had a lot of things in common. It was difficult because my family did not agree to the marriage as he is not local. For me these things are just not important. It’s important that he accepts me for the person I am”.
I’m looking forward to the next rehearsal of our poetry show, as spending time with Hamdah is always inspirational. This impressive woman is certainly no longer the little lonely girl in a tiny room, and although joyful, it’s very clear that there is still a burning frustration that she is not reaching her dreams.
“Hospitals are just not good enough. They sometimes don’t understand what we need. I want to manage my own centre for special needs. There are a lot of people here who cannot afford the help they need, because they are not local. I want to help these people. This is not an easy goal, it’s hard for me, but Insh’Allah.”
TEAR ON THE CHEEK OF THE MOON
I ask the moon to help me
There is a lot of tears in my eyes
My heart is in pain, please take the tears out.
I feel more lonely.
The pain surrounds me.
The pain is deep in me.
And the fear lives inside me.
The silence hears my feelings.
The lines have all disappeared in the forgotten corner.
I scream and nobody hears it except God.
I live in a sad city.
The city she lives inside me without permission
She covers me with a lot of feelings of pain
My city without people
Like the tears on the cheek of the moon
Moon, wipe away my pain
I feel like I am a prisoner
Feel pity on me, hug me, you are my city
There are not enough lines or words to explain how I feel.
