We all know we possess the ability to work. We demonstrate that in our everyday lives. However, when it comes to love, it is a natural instinct for most people to clam up so that they can protect themselves from emotional pain and hide their vulnerability. Psychologists believe that experiencing the feeling of being loved is essential to leading a balanced, happy life as it gives us a sense of contentment. Human beings need to experience this relatedness in order to define their sense of being.
In the book, Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy (Harper Collins), expert Dr. Dean Ornish –who is also the author of the book- states that our quality of life depends on our love life a great deal. Love is no longer a luxury that most of us believe we should have when the time is right, instead seeking it should become a priority, an absolute necessity for our survival if we are to be truly psychologically healthy. Here are some of the things Ornish discovered after conducting several studies in this area:
1. Heart patients who did not feel loved responded far too slowly to medication and had 50 percent more arterial damage.
2. When hospital patients watched a documentary about Mother Teresa they all showed a significant increase in their levels of disease fighting abilities for the following 24 hours.
3. Those who felt lonely and isolated had 200 to 500 per cent higher risk of premature death from all causes than those who had a sense of connection and community.
4. Couples who fought rarely had stronger immune systems than those who bickered often.
So there you have it! The stats speak for themselves. But what is one to do? Sometimes it isn’t easy to go out in the world with the burden of expectations, needs and emotional requirements. Especially for those who have suffered disappointment and heartbreak. Here are some pointers which can help:
1. Learn to forgive. Forgive others and yourself for errors in judgment. It’s going to be hard and will open up old wounds but it is a step which must be followed through to heal and move on.
2. When your brain doesn’t cooperate with words and appropriate adjectives – or in other words, if you get a brain freeze while expressing feelings of love then my suggestion is to put it in writing. It’s more effective and to the point then blabbering on endlessly. As someone who has written a love letter or two in college life, trust me, it helps to get your feelings out on the table. Do make sure that the other person is at least inclined to like you; otherwise you will just be increasing your vulnerability to jerks.
3. Go with the flow. Don’t force yourself on others. Respect their boundaries and allow them to get to know you first. This might be a good time to work on improving first impressions and any negative personality traits you might have. Flip over to our handy helper… it’s ‘super-handy’ this time!
4. Leave the rest to Higher Powers, you know what they say, if it isn’t meant to be then there is no use forcing it. So keep smiling and know that you will always have the love of family and friends till you find the special someone made for you.
