I am the mother of a most remarkable 12-year-old girl named Lolita who is a complete contradiction in terms. She will skate alone on the ice with hundreds of people watching her without fear. She will talk to anyone anywhere we go. She is bold and confident. But try a new ride at an amusement park and she falls to pieces. Tears flow like rain. Fear.
How do we address these fears and get on those big roller coasters? A green M & M. Yes, I mean those little chocolate candies. It matters not if they are plain or peanut.
When Lolita was three wewent into the M & M Mars shop in Las Vegas. We turned the corner and there stood Yellow and Green M & M’s, live and in the “flesh” (or hard-coated candy shell rather). Yellow is a large, peanut M & M boy. Jania, the younger sister, then two, loves yellow and ran to his open arms, hugging him hard.
Green is everything Lolita loves: she is lean (as lean as a round candy can be), wearshigh-heeled boots and has big, beautiful lips painted in a smile on the front of her face. She is a girly-girl. I was sure Lolita would fall in love. She was never the type to hang on to my legs or be shy, but shockingly Lolita cried. Though Green tried to hug Lolita, or at least shake her hand, Lolita would have none of it. I reasoned with her that she was making Green sad (Green rubbed her eyes as if crying even) but got no response. After the ten-minute ordeal, we surrendered and left the shop. I gave Green a hug and thanked her for her efforts.
Kids being kids, a half hour later when we were comfortably resting in our hotel room, Lolita cried once again, this time because she wanted to hug Green. Seriously? Of course by then it was too late. The Green M & M moment had passed her by.
Since that day, I have used the experience as a teaching moment. Whenever Lolita shows signs of fright I give her one single green M & M. We have agreed that I will only do it when I am absolutely certain she will regret an experience if she does not go for it, such as a roller coaster ride. She knows when I pull out the green M & M she should reconsider her mindset and has always, every time, enjoyed the activity once calming herself down.
She has a Green M & M decorative tin box on her desk and looks at it frequently to remind herself of all the great rides she has experienced and, on a larger scale, to be a risk-taker in life.
If your child is afraid, find a symbol of a small regret and use it to your advantage. Teach them that regrets based on fears are more painful than hugging Green M & M.
