The irony is that teenagers feel that this is a journey for them to assert their individuality and yet the teenage years are actually the epitome of aping your peers and succumbing to ‘peer pressure.’
If parents are also going through a similar ‘angst’ in dealing with their teenagers then the good thing to remember is they almost always grow out of it eventually.
Here are some quick pointers on how to deal with self-asserting, stubborn teenagers:
1. Treat them differently: Teenagers expect to be treated different from younger children. Be responsive, and listen to them—even if you don’t agree with what they are saying. A lot of times teenagers mirror their parents and if you are overly stubborn, they will act the same way because they see it as a sign of maturity.
2. Validate their ideas: Many teenagers are actually more mature than we think, and many are testing their own limits; not in how far they can get with their parents, but on how to negotiate, persuade and assert their voice. Don’t jump to conclusions and don’t brush them off. Create parameters of respectful engagement and you may be able to enjoy discussions, even if you don’t agree with one another. A lot of times your teen may want intervention as well as advice, but they want to be heard first.
3. Let them learn: Try to remember back to your teenage years and remember that your teenage son or daughter is going through a difficult time with many choices and many challenges. The world has become more complex than ever and teens also go through a great amount of stress. Be supportive and try to help your teen work out his or her problems and issues, not be interfering (they need to go through their own learnings) but by reminding your child that you can always be called upon at any time.
4. No Labels: Don’t label your child as labels can be powerful and will shape your child’s own assessment of himself or herself. If you need to identify a troubling habit then label the behavior but don’t label the child. For example you can say “what you did was irresponsible,” but refrain from saying “you are an irresponsible child.”
Tempo suggestion for parents…
Get teenagers involved in community work and social activities. Standup: Take Action is an organization which encourages community members (corporations, educational institutes) to get involved with issues plaguing today’s world. Poverty, hunger, environmental safety, empowerment of women and child mortality are a few examples. Stand up, speak out and do it with your kids beside you so that they see that the world has bigger problems than their own. Visit www.standup.ae
