7 RABBITS OF HIGHLY DEFECTIVE TEENS
By Rhea Oommen
Summer vacation is coming to an end for most students, and a new academic year will soon begin.
When I was 14 going into the 10th grade, my mother recommended I read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, a self-help book by smarty-pants Sean Covey. You can imagine my cynicism and endless eye-rolling. I’m sure there are plenty of open-minded teenagers with wonderfully proactive intellects who would be delighted with such a book… but I barely read nonfiction. I was more into a good detective story, a melancholy Thomas Hardy novel or anything from the fantastical Chronicles of Narnia series.
So I never actually read 7 Habits – my mother, bless her, never forced me to. It’s obviously a great motivational book but now as I approach 19, my final year as a ‘teen’ (physically rather than emotionally), I can look back at life and say that I turned out just fine, with a larger that life attitude and a ridiculous sense of humor.
As I have yet to discover what the 7 habits of highly effective teens are, my love for fluffy animals in literature and media has inspired me to create the 7 Rabbits of Highly Defective Teens. Not only do they take me back to a time of old-school animation of cartoon characters with brilliant personalities, but they also provide insight into the types of people you find in school (or workplace).
Bugs
He’s worldly. It could be his suave grey coat, his New York accent or all the vitamin A from the carrots. Whatever it is, this trickster always comes out on top. Sure, he might be living all alone in a hole, but sometimes you need your own space when you’re on top. Lesson: How to be like him? Act smart. Act cocky. You’ll make friends, you’ll make enemies, but you’ll be remembered by both for the rest of your life.
Jessica
Jessica Rabbit is the foxiest lady-toon out there. Girls want to look like her, boys want to look at her, but to old souls she’s an immoral pile of lipstick and cigarettes. She is a devoted wife to dim-witted Roger Rabbit, so take this gorgeous dame seriously when she says, with a bat of an eyelash, “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.” Lesson: Like many beautiful girls who get criticized for showing some skin, she’s just misunderstood.
White Rabbit
“I’m late! I’m late! For a very important date,” cries The White Rabbit inthe 1951 film Alice in Wonderland. He’s the only one in your group of friends who dresses formally and treasures archaic accessories such as pocket watches. He’s the mysterious one who’s always in a hurry, but who knows what he’s up to! Maybe he has a tea party to attend or maybe he’s part of the secret service. Lesson: The only way to find out? Follow him!
Easter
Inspired by religious folklore passed down from generation to generation, the tale of the Easter Bunny is a mystical one. In reality, this kid is sweet-natured, generous and always covered in chocolate and candy. With a big heart and nothing better to do, he or she is ready to shower you with tiny presents. Lesson: May turn out to be absolutely useless to you, but charming to have around.
Hare
Another folktale, The Tortoise and the Hare reveals how the underdog can defeat its advantaged opponent. The hare possesses bigheaded qualities (much like Bugs Bunny) and decides to take a nap in the middle of a race. The tortoise, hopelessly slow-moving and born this way, takes advantage of the hare’s laziness and wins. Lesson: Competition with others should not be one’s sole intention but competition within oneself could put one in the lead.
Mr. Bun
If you are familiar with Bill Watterson’s Calvin & Hobbes, then you would probably still don’t know who Mr. Bun is. He is girl-next-door Susie Derkin’s stuffed rabbit. With no alternate reality and no personality, he’s forgotten. Lesson: This proves that being a bit on the wild, crazy and lazy side (like obnoxious Calvin) is not altogether a bad thing. It builds character!
And last but not but definitely not least,
Oolong
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, here’s a bunny with a pancake on his head. Defective is just another word for flawed or imperfect. And we all are! Lesson: If you were working all summer, or in summer school, or just not a school person, cheer up.
September will end soon and we can wait for our next set of holidays: Winter break, my favourite time of year. That’s when all us defective bunnies don a Santa hat, chew on peppermint sticks and sing carols until the effective ones give us presents because they just can’t survive without us!
