Heather’s daughters: Lolita and Jania. Photography by Gilles Vandevoorde
My two daughters went on their first overnight school trip in October. They were excited about the adventure awaiting them during the three days in the desert with their friends. My husband and I looked forward to some ‘alone time’- snuggling on the couch together.
I had passed the day anticipating the good report they would give of the fun they were having. My phone rang. It was Lolita. When I asked her how she was, she burst into tears. “Mommy, Mommy we just saw a scorpion in our tent. It was horrible. I’m so scared. We’re going to die. Help, Mommy, help.” (It may be integral to know I was at least 250kms away at the time).
At the same time, my husband’s phone rang. Jania’s words? “Daddy, Mommy’s phone is busy. Why won’t she answer my call?” After which she proceeded to relay the scorpion episode and yell at him about my phone being engaged.
Two minutes later, after talking Lolita out of hyper-ventilation and my husband speaking with the counselor to ensure the local hospital had anti-scorpion venom in stock, we were no longer together on the couch…we were at separate corners of the living room feeling like we’d just been run over by a tractor-trailer! That was the precise moment it dawned on me: I’m raising two drama queens.
Though their call was much happier the next day (the scorpion successfully captured), I needed help. After reading many articles and talking with friends, I’m sharing the top tips I have found for handling a life full of pre-teen or teenage drama.
- Don’t get sucked in – remember they are doing this to solicit an emotional response. If you react with a similar level of emotion, it will be a downward spiral. You will never break free of the cycle.
- Walk away – let the drama queen perform to an empty house. Taking the “audience” away drains the thrill of being so worked up.
- Ask for it in writing – tell your drama queen (or king, boys get this way too, I’m told) that you can’t understand why they are so upset and tell them to write down what they’re feeling. It should diffuse any excess drama.
- Get it on film – video tape the drama as it unfolds. Since we all carry our phones with us most of the time, this is simple. Film the action live. Save it and show them how ridiculous they look the next day when the situation has blown over.
- Keep them busy – kids who engage in clubs and sport are often too busy (and too tired) for the world to come to an end over every little incident. I must say this is the tip I’m least convinced about as my girls are very active but still find time for dramatic interludes. But maybe it will work for you.
I’m told by mothers who have survived raising drama queens that this type of behaviour is very normal, and that it must be endured as a rite of passage to adulthood. I’ll admit I’m not super thrilled with this idea, but I am reassured that my girls are somewhat “normal,” even when it feels like it’s the end of the world…
By Heather Long Vandevoorde, Ph.D.
