Over coffee, my girlfriends and I often discuss how fortunate we are to be parents in this relatively safe UAE society with the low crime rate. The risk of kidnapping and theft is far lower than in our home countries. Our kids can, by and large, speak to strangers without reservation. “Stranger danger” is a foreign concept. But, inevitably that is when the conversation turns to the downside of the way we live: traveling. We all feel the same, the moment we leave the UAE; we become different parents, telling our kids not to talk to strangers and holding them firmly by the hand at all times. I’ve said, time after time, to my friends how concerned I am about my kids when they have to leave the bubble of safety in the UAE for the “real world.” How will they survive coming from such a secure setting and being released into the cold, harsh, real world?
It was just this line of conversation I was rattling off with Patricia, the woman I consider my mentor, during her recent visit to Abu Dhabi from the USA. “My kids live in such a bubble. Their exposure to crime, drugs, alcohol and other teenage problems faced by kids in Europe and North America is so minimal that I fear what will happen when they go off to university there,” I sighed. “I don’t know how to prepare them.”
To my surprise, she was not at all sympathetic to my cause. In fact, what she said threw me completely off-track. “Heather,” she said, “your kids are so much better prepared than most kids their age around the world. They have a wealth and depth of experience that cannot compare.” Specifically, she went on to describe that my kids:
- Can speak easily, without hesitation, to non-native English speakers. During her visit, Patricia saw my girls interact with people with every level of English. They never skipped a beat or failed to get their point across, regardless of whom they were speaking with. They have developed patience and perseverance. They are good communicators.
- Interact easily with people from different cultures. Along the same lines as the previous point, we see every type of native dress in the UAE. “I’ll admit, even I was a little overwhelmed by the fully-covered local ladies here. It’s really different for me to see,” Patricia said. What she noticed was that my girls will talk to anyone with ease. They are not prejudiced or intimidated by any style of dress or makeup.
- Are independent and not always at Mommy’s side. While I had only seen the negative side of this for their future, she pointed out that my girls are self-confident travelers, leaders who are comfortable in a variety of situations. Patricia cited an example from when we were in an unfamiliar souk and were momentarily uncertain of how to return to the car. They didn’t freak out, they asked for help and made a resourceful plan.
- Have strong negotiation skills. When shopping at the Gold Souk, Patricia found a bracelet she wanted to buy. The girls were instantly at my husband’s side, confidently helping him negotiate a price. “Most of the kids their age in the USA would never even think a price was negotiable, let alone care about helping to reduce it,” she said. “Negotiation is a skill that will directly translate to their success professionally.”
Patricia’s comments opened my eyes. I have always been proud of the fact that my daughters are not shy and don’t lack self-confidence. But she showed me that this is a direct reflection of the life they have had and the environment they operate in. She pointed out that my kids have every chance of making intelligent choices when released into the “real world” for university because of the internal filters we have helped them build by the experiences they are having daily right now. “Kids can develop danger-awareness easily,” she said. “But how to be resourceful and get out of tricky situations is a bigger challenge. Your kids have a real leg up in that department.” I was grateful for the relief she stirred in me. My responses will be very different the next time the conversation arises with my girlfriends.
By Heather Vandevoorde, Ph.D.
